LISTEN TO ME!!!


Hi everyone, I think this is my first time blogging without showing you any pictures of me. I just feel it's too personal and serious for me. eNgLiSh Pa TeH! Hahahaha. Eto na nga ano, Oo! I just learned that the month of October pala (which happens to be my birth month) is Mental Health Awareness Month. Yes, you heard that right, hence I'm writing this blog kasi sa tingin ko we should focus and talk about mental health more often.

Ako kasi hindi talaga ako na diagnosed with depression kasi wala kaming pera and I know na mahal ang mga tests. That's why google became my best-friend although alam ko naman din na hindi  ito accurate dahil syempre, iba-iba ang tao at mas maganda parin ma-check ng doctor.

I know deep down something's wrong with me and some of the symptoms nag ma-match pero, I don't make a big deal out of it kasi ayoko maging pabigat and I know I'm going to be okay. I tried reaching out and making friends with people (even though I'm introvert) kasi kala ko phase lang siya and mawawala din eventually. I also tried focusing my energy on makeup, vlogging, & yoga para lang ma-divert, pero mali ako. Kahit gaano ko pinipilit mag isip ng masaya, be positive, and labanan yung nararamdaman ko, somehow I still find myself in an endless abyss of darkness kapag ako nalang mag-isa. Anxiety & self-saboteur yung mga bagay na nararamdaman ko minsan, pero hindi ko naman alam kung anong nag ti-trigger.

Inisip ko mabuti kung dahil ba ito sa acne-prone skin ko, yung tatay ko, how the society treated me growing up because of my SOGIE,  yung goals and expectations sa akin OR I'm just overthinking? 

Disclaimer lang sa mga taong mag sasabi na "ArTe LaNg Yan!",  "bAkiT nAm4n KaMi DaTi WaLaNg GaNyAn!" and "GaWa-gAwA LaNg YaN nG tAo!" Okay, first of all that is totally wrong in so many levels because we didn't choose to be depressed. Sino ba naman ang gugustuhin maramdamang worthless, di makatulog sa gabi, maging moody, at pinakamatindi sa lahat ang mag isip nang pag papakamatay?

Kakabasa ko ng mga articles sa google, nalaman ko na bawat tao ay may kaniya-kaniyang reasons kung bakit sila na de-depress. Maaring na abuso sila noon either sexual, mental, or physical abuse, death or loss of loved ones, personal problems like goals na hindi mo matupad et al, environmental factors most of the time affect a person's mental health or genetics! pwedeng may history ang isang indibidwal sa pamilya nila about depression ganyan... ibat- iba ang struggles, ibat-ibang levels ng sakit. Lahat valid.

Pero balik tayo sakin,  Minsan na fe-feel ko din na I did my best pero alam mo yung feeling na you're still not good enough and you're not worth it. I'm not sure kung affection or validation ba ang kailangan ko from myself or certain person, basta ang hirap kapag your own demons na yung kalaban mo. Hindi ko din alam kung helpful tong article ko sa ibang tao, ang alam ko lang I was able to lessen the baggage I'm carrying by writing this down.

Share:

0 comments

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...